Malala Recalls Taliban Attack Trauma After Smoking Weed: 'Fresh Wave Of Panic Coursed Through My Body'
Malala, who was flown to the UK for emergency treatment after being shot in the head, said her brain had completely blocked out the memory of the attack, up until that night.
Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai has revealed how a marijuana session with friends at the University of Oxford resurfaced buried memories of the Taliban attack that nearly claimed her life 13 years ago.
Speaking to The Guardian ahead of the release of her new memoir Finding My Way, the 28-year-old said that the experience triggered vivid flashbacks of the 2012 shooting, when she was targeted by a Taliban gunman in Pakistan’s Swat Valley for advocating girls’ education.
Malala, who was flown to the UK for emergency treatment after being shot in the head, said her brain had completely blocked out the memory of the attack, up until that night. After using a bong, a water pipe associated with smoking marijuana, she said the trauma came rushing back.
“Everything changed for ever, after that [night]. I had never felt so close to the attack as then, in that moment. I felt like I was reliving all of it, and there was a time when I just thought I was in the afterlife,” she told The Guardian.
‘Bus. Man. Gun. Blood.’
Malala recalled that she lost consciousness while walking back to her room and had to be carried by a friend. The episode unleashed a flood of memories including the sight of the gun, the blood, and the panic that followed the attack.
“Out of nowhere, the images I had seen in the coma flashed before my eyes again: Bus. Man. Gun. Blood. It was like seeing it all for the first time, fresh waves of panic coursing through my body. There was no escape, no place to hide from my own mind,” she said.
The experience left her battling insomnia, panic attacks, and severe anxiety, marked by trembling, sweating, and a racing heartbeat. A therapist later traced the symptoms to unprocessed trauma — from the shooting, her childhood under Taliban rule, and the academic pressures she faced at Oxford.
Healing Through Therapy
Through therapy, Malala learned to confront the flashbacks and emotions that had overwhelmed her. She eventually realised that the stress of university exams, coupled with long-suppressed memories, had become too heavy to bear.
“I survived an attack, and nothing happened to me, and I laughed it off. I thought nothing could scare me, nothing. My heart was so strong. And then I was scared of small things, and that just broke me,” she said. “But, you know, in this journey I realised what it means to be actually brave. When you can not only fight the real threats out there, but fight within.”
'No Intention Of Issuing Explanations'
The education activist and founder of the Malala Fund also acknowledged that her admission of using marijuana could invite criticism. Still, she said she has no intention of issuing explanations or defensive statements, choosing instead to let her memoir speak for itself.
Her upcoming book, a follow-up to her 2013 bestseller I Am Malala, delves deeper into her adult life, including her marriage to Pakistani cricket manager Asser Malik, as well as her new venture with him, Recess, aimed at promoting women’s participation in sports.
The Attack That Changed Everything
At 15, Malala Yousafzai became a global symbol of resilience after surviving an assassination attempt by a masked Taliban gunman while riding a school bus in Pakistan’s Swat Valley.
The bullet left her with severe injuries, including a fractured jaw, a shattered eardrum, and facial nerve damage. After months in critical condition, she was transferred to the UK for advanced medical care.
The attack, meant to silence her advocacy for girls’ education, instead sparked global outrage and strengthened her cause. Today, Malala remains one of the most recognised voices for education and women’s rights — still confronting the echoes of the day that changed her life forever.
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