Relationships Are Imperfect But 'Toxicity' Must Be Recognised, And Not Tolerated

True, love requires sacrifices and compromises from both parties involved, but there should be a distinction between what constitutes love and what is toxic. Continue reading to find out more.

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Let's face it: very few, if any, relationships are perfect. They all require effort and compromise. They have highs and lows. Many, if not most, relationships will end in divorce, some quickly due to adultery or a significant fight, while others gradually drift apart.

A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is something entirely different. It's much more than rough patches, squabbles, or fading romance - something is severely and dangerously wrong. 

The term "toxic" is not a scientific term, but it commonly refers to a partner who exerts negative control or abuse - physical, psychological, or both - over the other partner, with the victim feeling imprisoned in the relationship. It is less common that both couples are mutually participating in harmful behaviour toward the other.

To find a solution to a problem, the first step is to identify the issue or cause of the problem. How can someone understand that he/she is in a toxic relationship, and what could be the signs to identify the nature of the relationship?

The most obvious sign is if your partner physically threatens you or actually commits physical violence against you (setting aside forms of consensual and safe sexual practice that involve domination, bondage, and similar acts).

However, there is growing recognition that larger forms of psychological coercion and manipulation can also be abusive, and if your partner is engaging in this behaviour toward you, this is another sign that the relationship is toxic. 

"Abuse of any form, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, is toxic in a relationship. A toxic partner is one who continuously makes us question ourselves, our worth, our sense of sensibility, and our place in the relationship. It's toxic if you feel diminished or are made to feel reduced," Sanjeet Ray, ICF Certified Life Coach said in an interaction with ABP Live. 

Another major concern in toxic relationships is that a person who "thinks" he or she is in love with another person believes that a little bit of toxicity will always be present in every relationship; the distinction between the exact nature of love and "toxicity" becomes blurred, and people confuse actual efforts and compromises with tolerance for toxicity; what can make people understand and accept that the stage in their relationship has reached the limits of toxicity?

Every relationship has two humans, and people are not alike, hence every relationship involves disagreements, conflicts, and fights.

However, this does not preclude clashes and disagreements from becoming toxic (being made to feel less of yourself, being made to question your worth). It cannot result in abuse.

"And love is intended to help us be a better version of ourselves on more days than not. Yes, there will be difficult days; no one is perfect, and people will make mistakes, be rude, and say hurtful things; however, if those same people recognise, apologise, and work on their flaws, it is up to the partner on the receiving end to decide if they still feel loved," Sanjeet Ray said.

There have been cases where people realise they want to leave their partners but are unable to do so for various reasons. If a person recognises he/she is in a toxic relationship but is unable to escape the situation? What are the most secure and safest ways to break such a bond?

The most common reasons why people struggle to break free from such relationships are habit, guilt, and fear.

The first step is to seek help from professionals, friends, and family. The next step is to communicate, create a safety net, and act.

Everyone would agree that the beginning phase or stage of a relationship is undoubtedly the most thrilling; yet, as the partnership grows older, a kind of "sidedness" and "suffocation" emerges; what causes this phase and how can it be addressed?

When two people are in a relationship, both parties should be emotionally mature. They should be conscious of their own needs, flaws, traumas, and triggers. A healthy relationship is one in which each partner helps the other become a better version of themselves, rather than the other way around.

The life coach said, "We must be conscious when our relationship becomes codependent. When one person is reliant on another. We should attempt to make partnerships more interdependent".

The recent Delhi murder case has created quite a stir about the concept of live-in relationships. When you live with someone, you become accustomed to them, which allows us to take things for granted, which leads to disappointments and more arguments. When is the proper and right time to make the decision to live together?

There is no such thing as a "right time" to enter a relationship, live in one, get married, or leave one.

We should do it when we feel it is appropriate. There cannot be a single rule that applies to everyone in this situation. We should do it when we believe we are safe enough, understand each other well enough, and are invested enough to make it work.

It is critical to heal oneself after a heartbreak or after being in a relationship for a long time and being hurt. People frequently lose trust and become difficult to love. The "toxicity" of the prior relationship makes it difficult to commit to love again; how, in your opinion, can a person re-establish his/her faith in love after such an experience?

We begin by allowing ourselves time to process the feelings and emotions that have arisen as a result of such a painful experience. We allow our healing process to begin by giving ourselves time to wallow. "I highly advise individuals not to try to hide their emotions and to move on as soon as possible. All of this takes time," Ray said. 

The second crucial thing to remember is to view these situations as learning opportunities along the way. According to Ray, "This past relationship did not diminish us, but rather taught us what we were not searching for, telling us of how much strength and resilience we possessed. It's an excellent opportunity for us to develop into our new selves."