Does Your Child Refuse To Say Sorry? 10 Tips And Strategies To Handle Preschoolers Who Won't Apologise

Understanding preschoolers' reluctance to apologise, adults should guide them through techniques to foster compassion and responsibility. Consistency, patience, and empathy are key

By Shalini Agarwal

Saying "I'm sorry" or apologising is a primary social talent that promotes commitment, empathy, and flourishing relationships. A human being's acceptibility in society depends a lot on the empathy displayed by a person in their social behaviour. It is, hence, important that children are taught to say 'sorry'. However, more often than not, parents and teachers struggle to deal with preschoolers who refuse to show regret. It then becomes their responsibility to ensure the children develop compassion.

So, how do you handle a child who refuses to apologise?

First of all, adults need to understand that preschoolers are at an age when they are still trying to learn how to understand social norms and control their feelings during this stage of development. There are several reasons, including humiliation, failure to recognise the concept, or plain stubbornness, behind a child's reluctance to express regret.  

Teaching preschoolers to express regret allows them to look at their mistakes, which is key to better bonding in the future.

Common Reasons Why Children Don't Want To Say Sorry 

Embarrassment: Children may feel humiliated to disclose their blunders.

Lack of realisation: The children may not understand why their acts were not acceptable.

Stubbornness: Strong-willed children may also refuse to offer an apology as a way to assert independence. 

Tips To Handle Kids Who Don't Apologise

1. Use a behaviour modelling approach

Young people explore by watching adults. To demonstrate the value and appropriateness of an apology, extend sincere regret to anyone and everyone whenever required.

2. Describe the meaning of apology

Explain in simple language why a child should apologise. Stress that it's a way to resolve conflicts and enhance the experience of human beings.

3. Acts of role-playing

Engage the child in functional physical activities where you both apologise. This could make the idea more accessible and much less scary. 

4. Encouragement

Give your child props for apologising. A rewarding behaviour also encourages them to do it.

5. Make a plan

Make expressing regret a regular habit. For example, declare any 'mistake' a day after they were committed, and extend an apology.

6. Practise consistency and patience

It is important to be consistent. Reminding and urging your toddler to apologise is vital, even if he/she refuses at first. 

7. Use books and stories

Read stories in which characters apologise for their mistakes. Analyse the story and apply it to real-life situations.

8. Cultivate empathy

Young ones must learn to be aware of and discover the feelings of other human beings. The urge to express regret can be activated through empathy.

9. Give up forced apologies

Sincere regret can come across as empty and ineffective. Let the children realise why he or she should vicariously express regret and be pleased about it.

10. Tackle the Root Issue

Sometimes the refusal to apologise stems from deeper issues. Look for any underlying problems that may be generating resistance. 

In conclusion, dealing with preschoolers who reject precise reprimands calls for patience, knowledge, and resolution. Additionally, you could educate preschoolers to express regret by way of modelling the conduct, emphasising its meaning, and offering a favorable outlook.

Remember, the motive is to make them compassionate and responsible, which can be the foundation to their growth.

Shalini Agarwal is the Director of Academics at Makoons Preschool.

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