Sutapa Sikdar Opens Up On Irrfan's Death: 'I Had Forgotten To Live Without Him'

Irrfan Khan died in 2020 after a long battle with cancer. The late actor’s wife Sutapa Sikdar recently opened up about losing him and the last couple of years she spent with him.

New Delhi: Irrfan Khan died in 2020 after a long battle with cancer. The late actor’s wife Sutapa Sikdar recently opened up about losing him and the last couple of years she spent with him. 

In a conversation with Bollywood Bubble, Sutapa shared how she dealt with her grief. She stated for two years she didn't want to go out and meet people. She had been with Irrfan for the longest time and had almost forgotten how to live without him. She picked herself up for her kids Babil and Ayan. She also revealed that every night she used to go through his medical files, trying to figure out if she did something wrong. 

“Every night, I still have the whole suitcase and I can’t let those medical files go. Every night I would read them again and again thinking ‘Did I do something wrong?’,” Sutapa told Bollywood Bubble. 

Sutapa also spoke about how the couple reacted to the news of his sickness and their battle with the disease thereafter. She also revealed that they didn’t keep the nurse and Stupa was Irrfan’s only caretaker and was with him 24/7. 

"At first, Irrfan did not want to get anything done. He didn’t want to do chemotherapy. He just had organic food, lived a holistic life, and so the days went by, and I was on it, on the job, to talk to doctors and experts. So, I did not give my mind (the space) to grieve. There was a lot of depression and bewilderment, and of course, sleepless nights. We didn’t hire a nurse, 24/7 I was with him, because he wouldn’t have anyone else. I used to think maybe I somehow gave the wrong impression to Irrfan that we will brave through this,” Sutapa told Bollywood Bubble. 

Sutapa also stated that she and Irrfan were very strong and different individuals and had separate bedrooms but the last couple of years were different. “Two years we were sleeping on the same bed, when I didn’t know we would not do it again. In two years, he said for the first time that he loves me through gestures as he was in pain and wasn't able to speak."

Sutapa said she feels his presence and knows he is around. "Even though he is gone, I know he is around, especially at nights, if it’s raining, or his favourite book falls, I know he’s around somewhere,” Sutapa concluded. 

Sutapa and Irrfan got married in 1995. They have two kids Babil and Ayan. Irrfan passed away on April 29, 2020.