New Delhi: Actor Madhoo says she decided to leave the film industry at the peak of her career in the 90s because she was unhappy with the roles she was getting and "meaty roles" are difficult for women of a certain age even now.
The actor, who made a mark with her performances in movies across languages such as "Roja", "Yodha", "Zaalim" and "Yeshwant", said Hindi films in the 90s were dominated by action stories and heroes.
"I have no interest in portraying the character of Ajay Devgn's mother. And this is a probable scenario!" said the actor, who made her Hindi cinema debut alongside the Bollywood star with 1991 feature "Phool Aur Kaante".
"We were both launched in the industry simultaneously and are of similar age," Madhoo said during a session of Prime Video's ‘Maitri: Female First Collective', held in Chennai.
The 54-year-old said played strong female characters on screen in films like Mani Ratnam's "Roja" (1992), "Annayya" and "Yodha". She then decided to shift her focus to Hindi films as she was living in Mumbai.
"During the 90s, action films and heroes dominated the scene, and my roles mainly involved dancing, delivering a few romantic lines, and shedding tears with parents. While I enjoyed dancing, I realized that I was deeply unhappy with this shift from films like 'Roja'. I recognised that my true passion lay in being an artist and doing meaningful work," Madhoo said.
The actor said she would often struggle with the "feeling of dissatisfaction" when she was working in Hindi cinema, and it eventually led her to quit the industry.
"After working in the industry for about 9-10 years, I decided it was time to quit. The moment I found a reason, which was when I wanted to get married, I wrote a letter to the people in the industry, expressing my intention to leave.
"It was partly driven by a sense of arrogance, childhood arrogance, I recognize that now, but at that time I felt that they didn't deserve me. Deep down, I knew I wanted to accomplish much more in my career. So I decided to get married, have children, and continue with my life," Madhoo said.
It was only after leaving the industry that Madhoo understood her identity as an artist, she said.
"I realized that I needed to return to the field and secure a role that would allow me to fully express my talents and pursue my passion," Madhoo added.
Things have changed for the better in the film industry, the actor said as she gave the example of her contemporary Tabu.
"Recently, Tabu, who is also my contemporary, starred opposite Ajay Devgn in some recent films, and I am immensely grateful for the positive changes that the industry has undergone," she said.
The actor also credited the web space for changing the mindset of the storytellers as they are no longer focused on "drawing audiences to theatres".
"Regardless of one's age, size, or colour, it is now possible to tell your story and receive recognition. I commend exceptional women who produce such narratives and provide opportunities for individuals like us to make a comeback irrespective of age," she added.
In the session, Madhoo was joined by actors Malavika Mohanan, Aishwarya Rajesh, Aparna Purohit, head of India originals at Amazon Prime Video; Smriti Kiran, curator and creator of ‘Maitri: Female First Collective’; Reshma Ghatala, creator of Madhoo's upcoming series "Sweet Kaaram Coffee", writer-director Swathi Raghuraaman, and cinematographer Yamini Yagnamurthy.
Mohanan, known for movies "Master", "Petta" and "Beyond the Clouds", said the gender disparity in the industry came as a shocker to her.
"So much of it is around male actors, which is again so normalised. So much of it is conditioning to elevate somebody of the male gender to a certain statue... everything circles around that pretty much.
"But now that I'm doing back to back movies, I think I'm feeling a very wide divide of a lack of author-backed roles for women. Just very well-written characters, instead of being a catalyst in the man's mission, kind of a thing," the actor said.
Rajesh detailed her experience of being judged by her skin colour in the initial days of her career. She is known for working in critically-acclaimed movies such as "Ka Pae Ranasingam", "The Great Indian Kitchen", "Attakathi", "Vada Chennai" and "Kanaa".
"People said like 'you're dark skinned. You're not fit to be an actor. You can't even be a junior actor'.
"I was like, 'okay, fine.'... I didn't know I was not groomed really well, what heroines are supposed to look like. I was totally a different person." The actor said she went ahead with her decision to act in movies.
"I slowly started doing and then I went on to do a lot of female centric films. I did that and then I stopped getting opportunities with big stars and all that. And I wondered why," she added.