“Hi, I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”

“I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

“I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.”

“I say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.”

“When I was younger, I started using humor as a defense mechanism.”

“I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!”

“It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”

“I’m funny, right? What do you know? You’re a door. You only like knock-knock jokes.”

“Until I was 25, I thought that the only response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh, crap!’”

“We swallow our feelings, even if it means we’re unhappy forever. Sounds good?”